There are many organizations, teams and leaders who are also in the N.F.L; I like to call it the Not For Long league. Their current success… current results… even current relationships are short lived. The goal is not to simply win a game or even a championship, but to have winning become the new normal – in team sports we call this a Dynasty. We want sustainable results. We want more than just the wedding day. We want the marriage.

To have sustainable success – to win consistently in this new reality – demands more of us than ever before. This type of good success depends on you and your team’s ability to adapt… to be flexible… to change entrenched behaviors. The game demands it… your competition forces it…and your customers expect it.

I’ve recently been working on a book I will release later this year and want to give you a little sneak peak into one of the chapters that wrestles with understanding self esteem. Most people don’t have a clear plan of how to build self-esteem, but if they did I guarantee they would think and live differently.

BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

• Recognize You are Unique

No one looks at the world exactly like you do. No one has your unique DNA or fingerprint. You are authentic.

• Reject Competition with Others

You are not in competition with others but instead your own best self. High self-esteem will cause you to raise your standards, not lower them. The goal is to be at your best more of the time. When you compete with others you risk skewing how you see yourself. Also, you want to compete with your own best self because the people you may be comparing yourself with might not be that good.

• Recognize that Self Worth is Innate

Your self worth has nothing to do with net worth. Neither is your self worth dependent on your actions and decisions. You are more than your actions or decisions. Failing in a relationship, task, or job does not mean you are a failure. Losing the game doesn’t mean you are a loser. To many people think that they are what they do and when you don’t do something you aren’t something or someone.

Self-esteem is an emotion; the degree that you feel worthy of happiness and a confidence to deal with life’s challenges. When we grasp how to build it we are able to avoid the pitfalls and traps that can so easily convince us we are worthless.

Blind spots can be described as a sensory lockout of information and possibilities, based on conditioning and prior expectations. The problem with blind spots is that most people do not acknowledge their presence. They provide just enough information to your brain to prove that you aren’t absurd in your thinking. They mask what you can’t see. The behaviors and realities we accept due to our blind spots can look ridiculous to others.

I experienced this recently while on a flight. I witnessed a fellow flyer tell the stewardess she was rude as he complained about her service. He felt it was too hot, and although she had made a request to the pilot, that would not satisfy him. He was loud and obnoxious in his unfair rebuke of the young stewardess, and everyone looked in horror as he claimed how rude she was without failing to acknowledge his attack on her. She came back after a few minutes and she addressed him again ensuring him that the crew were doing all they could to make him comfortable while on the flight. In that moment he could of apologized for his tone and lack of tact. He didn’t. He would have had to admit that he was wrong in the first place and evidently he didn’t think he was wrong.

It amazed me to see how he and I had varying experiences on that flight. I found the stewardess to be kind and helpful as he found her to be rude and useless. He was blinded by his own way of thinking.

I was reminded once again that actions and decisions are only as wise as the information they are based on. You must have the most accurate information possible in any given situation to respond appropriately. You must do all you can to eliminate the blind spots in your thinking. Eliminating blind spots is only done by setting goals. When you set a goal to be a more respectful and kind individual you will be more likely to check yourself before shouting the face off a stewardess. You will. Trust me.

Don’t be blind. Don’t act like a fool.

It takes courage to set goals. It takes even greater courage to confront where you are starting at. Many are inspired to create dreams and plans but those are so often just dreamers and planners. Those who execute and accomplish the dreams are the courageous ones. Be willing to confront your current reality in order to achieve your goals.

Have the audacity to write down your ideal job or life description. What makes it unique? What makes it successful? What would your day look like? What would you be accomplishing? Be able to clearly define and document what your future will look like.

Pick one area in your life where you desire to see fruitful change and identify one action, that if done specifically and consistently, would, over time, see the gap close between where you are and where you want to be. Take it one day at a time and remember that change can take longer than we expected to from here to there.

My father is turning 90 this week. He has lived a fruitful life and I’m so proud to be his son. In honor of him I’ve listed a few principles he has always encouraged me to live by.

• He would often say, “never allow what you want most to be at the mercy of what you want right now.” He knew self control was the key in getting ahead in the long term. He said, “never mortgage your future- spending something you don’t have because you lack the object of your desire.” There is too much value on right now. If people were to really reflect on their lives they would find they usually made impulsive decisions with long term consequences. He understood the power of time.
• He would remind me that in order to bring out the best in someone you must first see the best in them. You have to believe they are worthy of something greater than they can even identify, and then call greatness out of them. I would question my father on people he would choose for roles and positions within the church he led. He would give opportunity to people who seemed so undeserving. It was incredible to witness the testimonies of those at his birthday. Many said they wouldn’t be who they were now if it wasn’t for my dad providing opportunity for them.  He chose to see the best in others. He gave people responsibility to grow their confidence and capacity.
• One of his favorite principles was: plant trees and live off the fruit. If you don’t have enough fruit to eat never cut it down and sell it for firewood. That will never help you. With money, he always demanded accountability and taught me to take inventory of how much I’m spending, why I’m spending it, and how long it took me to work to buy whatever widget I was going to buy. He was training me to understand my money was a resource and never to be wasted.

My father is a remarkable man and over the years I’ve earned the respect of the man I respect. This makes me proud.

Never take lightly the lessons learned in years past, apply them to your present and future.

It takes courage to set goals. What most people don’t understand is that it takes even greater courage to confront your current reality. Determining your starting point can provide introspection that may discourage you on the road to reaching your goals, yet it truly serves as a catalyst to set you on the right track. It’s necessary homework. So many people are great at dreaming but not accomplishing. They won’t set goals because they are happy to ignore the things that could get better.

Be willing to confront your current reality.

To start:

1. Write down the ideal or dream you desire. Be specific. Write it as detailed as a job description.

2. Write down where you currently are, what you are doing and why.

Once you identify the gap from where you want to be and where you are, list one thing that you can do specifically and consistently to see the gap close. One day a time, practice that action and over time you’ll see the gap close as you become the ideal you’ve created in your dream. It will happen. Take it one day at a time. Be courageous.

Recently I spoke at the Milton Hershey School in Hershey, Pennsylvania. I was speaking on Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday about goal setting to students who understood the importance of dreams more than most CEO’s. At the Hershey School students qualify for the year round boarding school based on need. A trust fund keeps the school up and running, and the legacy of Hershey saturates every square inch of the pristine campus.

While there, seeing his legacy alive and well, I was amazed to see what can happen in someone’s imagination. We were witness to his imagination in reality. He built an empire in chocolate but had a heart for the poor. He and his wife could not conceive, and in 1909 decided they would pour their assets into a school they would build together. Over the years, students were able to stand on Hershey’s shoulders, his accomplishments and vision, and go forward into the future with the same imagination and determination. As I talked with them about dreams they were not afraid to describe to me exactly what they visualized happening. They were thinking from the dream instead of about the dream. It was clear they were receiving a quality education and permission to dream of what could be.

One young man told me how he dreamed of going to an Ivy League school, becoming an investment baker, working in real estate, and then, once retirement was knocking on his door he would move back to Hershey, and teach at his alma mater. I was surprised to find many of the faculty were former students who came back to help build the dreams of others.

Hershey was a simple boy who grew up on a farm and dared to dream for a life and legacy that was far beyond his reach. His legacy is alive and well… because of chocolate and imagination.

Awhile back I was at my oldest daugther’s basketball game. Her team was down by two and there was 3.7 seconds left in the game. My fifteen year old freshman daughter stepped to the free throw line and sunk two heart stopping free throws to tie the game. You need to understand I’ve had success in athletics from college to the pros, but no experience matched the joy I felt when my daughter hit those two free throws to tie the game. My joy didn’t allow me to sit but rather stand on the sidelines. When I thought I couldn’t get any more excited her team got the ball back with 3.4 seconds left on the clock. They ran an out of bounds play with the ball to my daughter and in a split second decision she chose to turn around and swished a 3 point shot at the buzzer. I almost came out of my skin while running figure eights and screaming at the top of my lungs! I couldn’t deny how proud I was of her. I wasn’t so proud that she made the shot, but instead that she took the shot. She wasn’t afraid of the pressure or the possibilities.

I’m sure there will be other times when she’ll shoot and miss but she understood that it’s important to shoot in the first place, no matter what.

I make a living sharing peak performance principles and in that moment I knew that my own daughter had embraced one of them; that it’s hard to have the joy of success without risking failure.

As a former professional athlete I am no stranger to the gym. Although it has been years since I’ve been in the league I decided early on that I would maintain a physique that I was proud of. Now years later I still frequent the gym as often as possible and stick to a routine that delivers the outcome I desire. I’ve made a decision based on my goals to look and feel a very specific way.

Getting into shape and staying in shape can not be achieved by will power. Will power will only take you so far before you give up. You have to find something you like. It’s as easy as that. You quit running because you don’t like it. You quit yoga because you don’t like it. Instead of convincing yourself that your will power will eventually win out, find something you like and do it. Then do it again. Then do it another time after that. Develop a habit that is good for you and that you enjoy.

Physical fitness isn’t rocket science unless you convince yourself otherwise.

All it takes is for you to:

1. Lock on to your physical fitness goal. Imagine exactly what you will look like.

2. Find an enjoyable way to workout. Do it. Then do it again. Do it again after that.